Jack's Birth Story - Part 1

So, I've been contemplating posting Jack's birth story. I have already written down a really detailed version, but it's mainly about the mechanics of how it all happened - the timing and progression and little facts here and there. I wanted to make sure I remembered the emotion of it all -- although I can't imagine every forgetting it. I want to remember how it made me feel, so I thought I would blog about it - a version I am comfortable with Jack reading later on. Hopefully that's alright with you. :)

Jack at 2.5 weeks staring at Dad



Jack Preston Madsen is here and adorable and perfect. He is 1 month old already and is starting to smile at his Mommy and Daddy. It's my favorite thing in the entire world. I am already starting to forget what it was like to be pregnant -- which I never thought was possible. :)

Maybe I should start at the beginning. After being married for a little bit, we were both chomping at the bit to have a baby. Most people who know us know that we love kids. We would babysit for our dates all the time, and we genuinely loved it. Any aged child between 0 and 8, we automatically loved. It was very naturally for us to try to start a family.

Some people talk about miscarriages, and some people don't. I can understand and relate to both camps - it helps to not be silent, get support and help from others, but at the same time it is quite possibly the most painful thing I have ever gone through. (And, ahem, I just went through child birth). I have always been a social person, so I found comfort in talking to family about it. But I only talked about it a little. I hardly even talked to Alex about it. It was an internal thing I had to deal with. The excitement that comes with that first positive pregnancy test is quickly taken away when you feel cramps, you're bleeding a lot, you just don't feel right. And if you don't have any kids you wonder if you're broken. You can't fulfill your role as a mother. You begin to resent your body, and others who have kids. What if you never could? Needless to say, it was a dark time for me.

Just one month later, I had another positive pregnancy test. But I was callased to it. Instead of excitement I felt a panic. I didn't want to go through this again. I didn't want the physical and mental toll I was about to go through again. I told Alex about it, and we prayed as hard as we could for this little body to make it. Because it was just a month after, I was positive I would miscarry again. You are supposed to wait a few months inbetween, and I knew it wouldn't work out.

We had our first doctor's appointment very soon after the positive test. We met our doctor for that first exam, did all the necessary tests, . And then came the heartbeat. My stomach danced in anticipation to see if there even was one. The doctor felt around with the sonar. Nothing. She couldn't find the heartbeat. She scheduled us for an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright, but she was optimistic. So was Alex. I couldn't bring myself to be.

We went into the ultrasound, and I was just excited to finally know either way -- this baby was either healthy or not. I will never forget that ultrasound as long as I live. Right away, we heard the sweetest sound in the world - Jack's heartbeat. It was tiny and a little faint, but it was definitely there. I cried, mainly out of relief. We saw this tiny little gummybear wiggling it's arms and legs, as if to say "Hi Mom! I'm here and full of life, and I am coming to you soon."

It was such a blessing, and absolute miracle. I knew a little one was finally coming to ME. to US.

The rest of the pregnancy was filled with morning sickness, emotional rollercoasters, and changes. I thanked Heavenly Father every morning I threw up (which was almost every morning) because that meant that the little body was still in there, and was making room. The pregnancy was prettty hard, but I knew it was a blessing I got to experience it at all. I am so grateful that I had that perspective. I am so grateful that my body was able to carry the pregnancy all the way. There was a time I thought I would never be able to do that.

And now on to the actual birth. I was having contrations off and on for a week, and my Mom came intot own on Saturday April 28 around dinner time. The day before the doctor had stripped my membranes, but still nothing changed. The docto assured me that I could be induced on Monday if the baby didn't come over the weekend. It would be just a few more days of waiting. I could handle that.
My Mom was going to be here for 10 days, and I wanted to here for as much baby helping as possibly. Like the angle he is, Jack granted my wish. We went to dinner at Zupas, I got the spicy Chipotle salad, and a few hours later after a walk around the mall we were all home getting ready for bed when it happened. I layed down in bed, and a hard contraction hit me like a ton of bricks, taking my breath away. He was coming.

to be continued....